Hannah’s Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.

I mean, I love any holiday that’s centered around food. Especially food like gravy and stuffing and apple pie.

But it’s also one of the worst holidays. You go back to your hometown. You run into a lot of old classmates you’d forgotten existed and wished you hadn’t remembered. Your aging relatives probably say something offensive, and everybody wants to know about school and your job and your relationship. Your smelly uncle gives you a wet kiss on the cheek, and somehow you’re still relegated to the kid’s table because your aunt and uncle still think you’re twelve.

It’s a weird time.

But not to sorry! I am here with a few helpful tips:

1.Help with the cooking

Look, I know this sounds weird. But it’s the PERFECT excuse to leave an uncomfortable conversation.

“Did you know half your eggs are gone by your 20s?”

“I am SO sorry, Aunt Bertha, but I’ve just got to go check on the turkey!”

See? Works every time!

2. Host/Have your parents host

This also seems like a stressful idea. But you know the best hiding spots in your own home, and it’ll be easy to disappear when you need a break.

3. Bring someone

A friend, a boyfriend, anyone. Your nosier relatives will be so busy talking to them and trying to figure out if you’re dating that they might leave you alone.

4. Decide your responses before you go

This one just helps save time. Even if you haven’t decided your major, or your career, or when you’re having kids, have a pre-set list of answers as if you were going on a job interview. You’re not unemployed, you’re just doing freelance work to build experience as you network to eventually gain employment in the industry you want to be in! You’re not single and lonely, you’re just really loving what you do right now and not looking for a companion! You’re not out drinking every weekend, you’re exploring the city and seeing live bands! It’s also helpful to have a couple fun facts or funny anecdotes to use.

5. Ask alllll the questions.

If you ask enough questions about everyone else, especially the ones who like to talk about themselves, you’ll never have to answer any of them!

6. Get nostalgic!

Start bringing up memories from when you were little, or if all else fails, pull out the home videos or photo albums. Older relatives are a sucker for this, plus you avoid any and all questions. You might even feel a little nostalgic yourself.

7. Volunteer to get more supplies.

You’ll inevitably forget something or run out wine, which is a great time to grab your favorite cousin and escape for a bit. Stay away an extra 30 minutes and say you had to go to 2 stores.

8. Say you have plans with an SO for their family Thanksgiving.

This is a great way to gracefully duck out early, even if it’s a total lie or you and your SO just want to hang out alone. (Or just you.)

9. Put on a movie or suggest an outdoor activity, and then take a nap.

Or honestly, just take a nap. This is a subtle way to pull an Irish Goodbye on your relatives if you’re at your house.

10. And if all else fails, sneak an extra glass or two of wine. I promise Uncle Larry’s jokes will be funnier.

Good luck and happy holidays!

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